Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Critters in the Attic

Two weeks ago, about the same time as all of the Thanksgiving hoopla, we noted that there were noises over head at our house-- noises, we thought, of the squirrel kind.

We had a squirrel in the attic several years ago. We got the trap from our friend the vet; we set it up with a little peanut butter and cracker, and WHAM! squirrel goes in the trap, door closes, and the squirrel's caught, shaking like the neurotic species that he belongs to.

Piece of cake or should I say, piece of cracker?


With the squirrel in the squirrel trap safely placed in the trunk of my car, David sends me to a neighborhood far far away to let the invading critter loose to roam in someone else's eaves.

I'm not sure now, as I think back retrospectively, why I was the one designated to do such an errand?

I remember telling a friend at work at the time about the great squirrel capture, as he was confessing about his own saga with a squirrel in his attic; I never confessed that I must have let it out in his yard.

*tee hee*

End of that squirrel in the attic...

Well, now we seem to have the problem again; this time, it sounds like squirrels, but it ain't -- these guys are runners, leapers, jumpers, and chewers.

We've heard them in the living room, both bed rooms, but their favorite place seems to be the master bath. In there, they flit about like ice skaters, leaping and jumping, and only stopping to chew on a box, wood, wires, or perhaps to crank up the volume on the rodent rap.

They seem to like hanging upside down by their little stupid feet in the wall between the shower and the tub. I don't know that they are upside down, but how are they running up and down an inside wall like that --- are their little feet suction like?

Don't answer that.

David investigated the scene in the attic with his handy-dandy flashlight, one that holds 20 size D batteries; he could bring a ship to shore in a fog with that thing.

He delivered the bad news -- these are not squirrels -- unless they are white, and there are, at least, two of them.

Egads. Rats?

David: Or albino opossums.
Me: More than one albino opossum in one attic at a time? I don't think so. If so, we need to call News of the Weird.

Guess what? The squirrel trapper ain't working on these guys.

Before he actually saw family Muridae, he placed the squirrel trap in the attic, again, and put out suet and crackers on four different occasions -- not only has the food been eaten, perhaps sneakily snatched from the sides with their little rat paws, but the trap door is shut and no varmit!

What gives?

Rats are smart and small? They are not stupid like the squirrel?

David went to Home Depot and got "rat traps."

Ick, ick, and double ick ---

He told me: "They will get stuck on the sticky bottom of the trap and can do some pretty repulsive things. When I find them, I will cover them up and take them to the dumpster."

Ugh. Ugh.

*covers ears*

Before we went to bed last night, David checked the traps.

No rats. No opossums. No varmits.

Last night between 12 and 3, those darn things threw another party in the master bath.

*chew, chew*

*scamper, scamper*

*scratch, scratch*

*leap, leap*

Party. Party.


BTW: Tallulah and Keats sit in the tub together and stare at the ceilings and walls wanting to get at those buggers.

Me: Let 'em at 'em.
David: Like that's a good idea.
Me: Rats.
David: Is that a pun?
Me: No.

Rats. Really?

Why does it have to be rats?



  1. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep now. I would send the cats to the attic!

  2. With us, it's chipmonks under the front porch. Silent -- but potentially destructive. I can live with them if I have to -- but the attic! Never!

  3. They are probably roof rats. They have little sliding sculls so they can escape traps and such by flattening their little heads. Thought you would like to know.

  4. The title of your post made me think of Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews. Have you ever read it?

  5. Gigi sez "Keats and Tallulah are chicken. Should be showing critters who is boss! Don't they know it's cats' job to handle critters in attic? It's dog's job to chase squirrels."

  6. Hmmm... I think I'd take your rats over the family of skunks that took up residence under our porch a few years back. Of course, with rats, you won't get the pleasure of having the cable guy get sprayed right in the face because he didn't listen to the directions given to him.

    When I was feeling bad for said cable guy, a friend told me that it was proof to her that karmic justice really did happen in the world. LOL.

    And, not do doubt the self-set trap plan but you might want to call an exterminator, they'll put an end to the twilight parties faster than the fuzz kills a teenage buzz.

    Yeah, after that rhyme, it's official that Christmas is driving me crazy. LOL.