Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Who plans pain?

I need, my readers, to comment on my blog.

I have no idea if my three friends and one or two former students are the only ones reading it, or if I have one friend pretending to be all five.

So, comment. Please. I'm lonely.

1. I had no idea that there was such a thing as a Miss Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant. It involves small bikinis, some plastic, and glue. The judges are, or have been, John Salley and three old men. The girls are from Brazil as well as Newnan, Georgia. The website for this admits to being unrefined and tacky and calls itself The Mayor of Wingville. Satellite tv is a mind field of enlightening information.

Only not.

2. I went to Kroger to get a prescription filled today because I can get three months of that prescription for ten dollars. My doctor informed me that I should purchase it at either Wal-mart or Kroger cause they "have the deals." "Deals"? On drugs? I felt like a junkie looking for the best corner.

I don't do Kroger -- I'm a Publix girl -- it's mostly geography and Howard. I haven't been in a Kroger since 1995 when I used to shop there for my parents. I like Kroger.. I like it that I had a friend who made it a verb. "I'm Krogering today."


You know that there is nothing more interesting to me than people I don't know. People I know, not so much -- people I don't know, fascinating...

I watched the woman who had put her prescriptions in ahead of mine. She was pretty in that suburbia housewife put together from head to toe kind of way. Cute little khaki pants, designer Flip Flops, diamond studs in the ears, processed blond hair slicked back in a pony tail, expensive watch, and a pressed t-shirt that blazoned Cannes.

She was wandering around in the cosmetic section looking at Herbal Essence shampoo and Breathe Right. Quite the variety of browsing as she waited for the druggist, Danny, to fill her prescription.

With one eye on "perfect woman at the grocery store" and one eye on the freebies, I spent some time taking my own blood pressure (120 over 70, 71 heartbeats per minute) and looking at the wrinkled, dog eared magazines provided by Kroger -- Health Today and Prevention. No People magazine for the old fools picking up their Metamucil and Zantac 150.

I was trying to look interested in my own blood pressure, Soft soap, and "How to lose three inches of belly fat in three weeks" until I hear the "perfect lady" discussing her five medications with Danny. (You have to check a form that the pharmacist "counseled" you on the drugs you were having filled.)

I wasn't eavesdropping, really.

I was only interested in why she was getting five medications. I didn't want to miss a sale, you know.



She told Danny that she was having "surgery," and she didn't know why she needed all of these "meds."

Danny proceeded to explain that she had a "sleep aid," antibiotics, a antibiotic creme, a drug like Valium, and some kind of narcotic for "pain."

She said, "I'm just having a little liposuction. I wasn't planning on being in pain."

Me: Weren't planning? Bwha.

Then I noticed the sign that stated: "Please stand back in the line as we do not wish to invade any one's privacy."

I peeled off like a oboe playing band member performing a half time show. I felt sheepish and embarrassed, but once she said "liposuction," I was no longer looking at the article on belly fat.

What is she having lipoed?

Those are the kind of things I had to ponder.

Meanwhile, it looks like I'll have to work off my thirty inches of belly fat by cutting carbs and sugar and circling the track at Boots Ward. Yeah, I wasn't planning on any pain either.

"scratches head*

I had a coupon for Blue Bell ice cream. After Danny counseled me on my need to take my meds with food, I sauntered down the freezer aisle and looked for some Moose Tracks. It's food, and I had a coupon.


  1. Your favorite student was the first to comment. Now whats the symbolism in that??

    Mrs. Gillham, you must know that not only do I read your blog routinely (I've actually subscribed so that I dont' miss a new post) I have told my roommates (one from Iowa, one from Kentucky and one from Florida) a little about you and often read your entries to them as well. We all have a good laugh and I smile smuggly to myself in the knowledge that no one else's Lit teacher could possibly be so witty. You are being heard far outside the Kennesaw world right now. You are HOTT stuff ;)

    PS: I proofread this comment three times to make sure there weren't any grammatical errors. I NEVER do that.

  2. I do not get number two. You first said, "I don't do Kroger -- I'm a Publix girl." Then you said, "I like Kroger."
    Do you like or dislike Kroger?

    I comment for the benefit of your readers, Gillham. ;-) (I don't usually use smileys, so feel special)

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I am here for you!! Faithfully!

  5. By the way, who is the guy in the picture? (I don't get out much!)

  6. This is more like it!

    *claps hands*


    *drinks morning coffee*

  7. I am always here. I'm just not always visible.

  8. WE'RE HERE. Some of us are a little shy or maybe scared. I'm with Tawn though, who is the guy in the picture? Finally, whose heartbeat is that slow? You should have asked Danny about that. nsb

  9. You can't pander for comments and then explain in your blog that you're not interested in people you know. Do you think that Lipo-woman will ever read your blog? I do, and HIPPA (sic) will be coming after you.

    How did you get John Salley's graduation picture?

  10. GILLHAM!!!!! i will miss you this year!

    just so you know, in case you did not know.

  11. Ah come on Chris and I are always asking you for lunch :p

  12. "Your favorite student was the first to comment. Now whats the symbolism in that??"

    This girl never gets over herself, btw.

    Not that I do.

  13. Zaid, you have no need to get over yourself, consummate man that you are.

    Also, I don't comment because I don't know how to use a computer. I had to dictate this message to my faithful manservant, Jerome.

  14. Hey. You could generate more interest if you would blog on a daily basis. No pressure or anything. :)

  15. Also, am I the only one who gets the little blue wheelchair guy when I comment. Now that will give a complex.

  16. Bwahahahahaaaaa!

    "I'm Krogering today."

    Wow. When you say it out loud, it sounds so dirty...

    So...am I the only one responding who is NOT from Georgia?

  17. My Grandfather always used the plural of Kroger. It drove me insane.

    Grandfather: "I'm going to Krogers if you want anything."

    Me: "It's Kroger."

    Grandmother: "Where you goin' you old goat?"

    Grandfather: "I'm running out to Krogers for some co-co-lers (coka-colas)."

    Grandfather: "Well I'm about to leave Blake, did you want anything?"

    Me: "No I'm fine. Have fun at Krogers."