David and I bought a chaise lounge chair for the deck -- I had been bugging him for one for a couple of years. We always waited too late in the season to get one -- then they'd be picked over, the wrong color or style, or not available at all. You have to get a chair like this ... early in the season.
This year, I was determined to get one -- and when we were in the mountains last weekend, I saw one at Home Depot -- and said, "Thar she blows!"
So we bought it -- good thing David had the trailer hooked up to the car -- or I'd still be lusting after my lounge chair.
We loaded the big box and brought it home -- and it sat in the basement till Sarah came over yesterday.
Sarah is a sophomore at Mercer. She's busy being a Resident Assistant and running around and doing whatever college students do, and I hadn't seen her since Christmas when she came over to play games with the family.
Hmm. Perhaps why I hadn't seen her in a long time?
*rubs chin thoughtfully*
Anyway in the process of catching up with her, talking about school, music, movies, concerts, other KMHS graduates, and church, I for some reason mentioned that the only thing new in my life is that I finally had the lounge chair I wanted.
Blog readers: Gawd. *yawns* Is this a blog about a lounge chair?
Me: Be patient. This is about something.
Sarah: Where is it?
Me: It's in the basement. It's got to be assembled. I'm waiting on David to help me.
Sarah: We could put it together.
Me: You'd help me?
Me: Well, you are a graduate of KMHS's magnet school of math, science, and technology -- I guess we together can wield some tools.
Sarah had arrived at my house in this cute little dress and "too high for me to consider them as an option" black pumps.
The idea of her and me getting down to the nitty gritty with some tools and a lounge chair seemed like a skit for a comedy show.
Nonetheless, she was game.
We went to the basement to get the box and bring it up to assemble it so that when we were done we could easily carry it to the deck.
We struggled up the steps with the box -- hitting corners, groaning, and laughing -- an inauspicious start for swiftness in the project.
I groan all the time because I'm old.
Sarah groaned because she was lugging a rather cumbersome box up stairs backwards with cats darting between her legs like a teenager behind the wheel of a Ford Taurus taking the cones during Drivers' Education ... the cats only slightly more agile than the Taurus.
Halfway up the stairs, I said, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"
Sarah: Mercy. I guess. We have the box almost up now.
BTW: Sarah had kicked off her four inch heels.
We got the box upstairs, opened it, separated the parts, and begin to read the directions. We felt so confident that I said, "Let's follow them in Spanish."
Lista De Componentes
The chair had all kinds of parts -- a chaise lounge back, a base, right and left arm rests, washers, plastic and metal, bolts of two sizes, an allen wrench, a hex wrench, plastic nut caps, and, of course, nuts, large and small.
The chair had two steps. Paso 1 and Paso 2.
*crack knuckles and exchange confident looks*
How hard can this be? Two steps?
We studied the directions and put two bolts in the end of the chair to hold the lounge back.
Sarah studied the diagram:
Sarah: Do you want to put the bolts this way or that way? It looks like a personal preference.
Me: Let's read them in English.
Sarah: It still looks like a personal preference.
So, we put the bolts on and deftly used the wrenches to attach them securely.
Me: Hey, Sarah, maybe this summer while you're home, we can put a sign up at Home Depot and offer to say, put lounge chairs together for paying customers and undercut the subs at Home Depot who charge like 40 dollars an hour.
Sarah: We so could! We could even do it in high heels.
Me: Speak for yourself.
Then we pulled out the chair arm rests. Something wasn't right as we moved them around the sides trying to figure out the exact position.
*flips directions over to English side*
Sarah: Hmm? Looks like we have two left arm rests.
Me: Darn liberals. They're infiltrating everywhere.
Sarah: *snickers* Well, I think we'll need a right arm rest to make this work.
Me: Yes, you always need the "right."
Me: Can we finagle it to make it work?
Sarah: Nope. Not even in Spanish.
Sarah: Let's go to Home Depot.
Me: I don't wanna go to Home Depot.
Sarah: Snap out of it. It will be fun.
So, Sarah and I hop in the car, holding the two lefts, the directions and the chair receipt, run to Home Depot, get a lady from the "Home and Garden" department to crack open a box labeled "Napa Chaise Lounge" and give us the RIGHT arm.
Blog Readers: The "right" jokes are wearing thin.
We get back to the house and begin to attach the bolts to the arm rests and we begin to tighten using the handy dandy wrenches provided by the Napa Chaise Lounge company.
Sarah: Uh, I think we used the wrong bolts on the back.
Me: Let's just change them out.
So, we change them out, and again proceed to try to adhere the bolts to the arm rests.
We worked the hex wrench -- we worked the allen wrench, and for some reason, we just can't get them tight.
*thirty minutes later*
Sarah: Oh dear. I'm not sure that we can get this tight enough. Look! Argh! This one is crooked.
Me: *shakes fist at wrenches* Argh. I can't do this anymore. My fingers are killing me.
Sarah: I'm thinking our summer part time job is off now.
Me: Totally. It would take us FOREVAH to put one of these together.
Me: Look, I'm thinking that this is a job for David when he comes home. He is stronger and can tighten quicker.
Sarah: You don't have to convince me. Let's go watch some You Tube.
Me: I'll race you to the computer.
So, David comes home, and I showed him the chair and said, "Will you tighten the bolts?" and I hand him the nifty hex and allen wrench provided by Napa Chaise Lounges.
David: I ain't foolin' with those monkey wrenches.
Me: No pun intended?
David rolls his eyes.
He goes to the basement and then appears upstairs in less than a minute with his own tools.
He then flips the chair over, holds his own version of an allen and hex wrench in each hand, and in less than five minutes has tightened every bolt, placed the plastic nut caps, both large and small on the chair, and moved the darn thing to the deck.
Me: *blink, blink*
Yeah, well, uh, I think I'll stick to blogging -- and Sarah -- can find a different job for those heels.