Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Food is Better at Jimmy Wong's

I've been contemplating new careers today -- mainly because "people wanna know."

At my workout place: "So, what are you gonna do with yourself now that you don't have to teach?"

Me: I don't have to teach in the summer.

At lunch with a friend: "Have you thought about working at KSU?"

Me: Is that rhetorical?

An email from my brother: "Why don't you check out private schools. Here's a list in your area."

Me: *delete*

Sister conversation, live: "You might need some "mad" money, later."

Me: Later?

It seems that everyone but me wishes for me to get on to the next thing. Do the next thing. Become the next thing. Just do it. The world needs you. You can't just sit around and do nothing. That's un American -- it's so lazy. So boring. So not you. Who will you make laugh?

Well, I found my dream job. I'm gonna write fortunes messages for cookies.


Gillham Fortune Cookies Messages

If there are roaches in the corner, sit in the center of the room.

You are never selfish with your advice. Thanks for that. Only not.

Good neighbors stay in their yards.

Don't propagate ever.

Don't upset the squirrel today.

Friends don't let friends watch Fox News.

Happiness is so not coming to you.

Don't count on the guy across from you paying the check.

Agree with your wife so you can get some sleep.

Most people do not meet the loves of their life. So if you are looking for love, you might need to settle. If she's/he's sitting across from you already, yeah, you've settled.

I know there is a fortune in her somewhere. Only not.

Don't expect to die of old age. Think botulism.

You have made some SERIOUS mistakes in your life.

The food is better at Jimmy Wong's.

You can never be certain of success so why try?

Everyone feels lucky who doesn't' have you as a friend.

Don't ever listen to yourself; in fact, don't talk at all.

The opening of this cookie just cost you another five bucks. 不成器的人

*tee hee*

Vocation idea for tomorrow: You guys got any ideas?


  1. Have you considered a life of service as a Wal-mart greeter? Oh, the stories would be endless!

  2. It'd be even better than the Publix stories.

  3. You as a Wal-mart greeter would be amazing. Or if you were in the check out, you could evaluate their purchases. "Bacon? With your body? Are you actively seeking out cholesterol poisoning?" "It doesn't matter how much make up you buy, there's no cure for such a severe case of ugly."

    As far as fortune cookies go, there's always the ever popular, "You only have five to live." When they ask five what you have the waiter give them a fortune cookie that simply says "Four."

  4. Personally, I think you should sit down and write that novel. You have thousands of alumni out there who'd help publicize it, including me!

    Except for my sis, who was puzzled that I even took the time to come visit. She remembered your classes fondly with the following: "She was just really mean!"

    She's going to become a cultural advisor to CENTCOM or something soon. America, huh?

  5. Hahaha, I love this! I hope to go into Hong Kong Star one day, open my fortune cookie, and find one of these fortunes...that would be amazing :)

    *draws fortune cookie and Theresa with a tray of eggrolls*


  6. 你的頭腦很想一隻猴子,會跳來跳去。
    Those fortunes are more like advice than, fortunes. You can market them as guidance cookies.

  7. When I get a fortune cookie, I always open and read it aloud. Doesn't matter what it says because I always say "Duck" and duck down. :)

  8. Still in the math lab. I'm giggling while tears are coming to my eyes. Apparently I'm disrupting the tranquility and silence in this math hellhole.

  9. Oh yeah. I forgot my advice. Start Gillam's Book Club. It worked for Oprah. Dye followed Oprah, explaining why I had to read East of Eden. So maybe you can influence some high school teachers' book selections and essentially continue to harass students from the grave...err retirement.